Opposite?

                                                      March 28, 2013 (9:02 P.M.)

Let me start this post off by thanking my father. If you didn’t force me to purchase a manual car when I was seventeen years old, I most likely would not have learned and therefore would have missed out on today. The skill has come in handy too many times to count and I cannot thank you enough teaching me.

My day began at 2:45 a.m. this morning because my aquarium shift this week ran from 3 a.m. to 7:30 a.m. As I woke up in the middle of the night, oddly awake for only having four hours of sleep, I started to mentally prepare myself for what this day would bring. It was going to be a long day, but if I played my cards right, a great day.

For those of you unaware of my current circumstances, I have been going through the tedious and time-consuming process of obtaining all the necessary documents to apply for a volunteer visa. For a person staying in South Africa for less than 90 days, no visa is required. Since I was originally only planning on staying in the country for two months, I obviously did not bother applying for a visa. Although my employment offer was an amazing opportunity and being able to move right from intern to field specialist was extremely convenient, they did not warn me of the hassles involved with obtaining the necessary paperwork whilst in the country you’re applying to stay in.

For the past two weeks, I have been gathering all the materials needed to apply for my visa and it has not been easy. A few of the documents required are passport, medical report, radiological report, proof of financial means, return ticket home, letters from organization, etc. It has been quite frustrating gathering all the papers. Plus, I needed everything collected and ready to turn in 30 days before the need for a visa or expiration of a current visa. That date for me would be April 1.

With the help of my parents and Oceans Research, I was able to get everything I needed for the application. I had all my documents in a folder and ready to turn in; or so I thought. But before I go into that, let me start with the happy memories.

After organizing my ride to the Department of Affairs in George, South Africa – a 40 minute drive – all I had to do was leave from my aquarium shift and jump in the car toward George. With tomorrow being a public holiday here in South Africa and the office being closed, today was my last day to turn in the application. My thought process was to go to the office early in the morning with everything I needed. Hopefully it would work out and I would not need to return, but if by some chance I did need something, I would have the opportunity to drive back to Oceans and get the necessary paperwork before it closed.

When I was dropped off after my aquarium shift, no one was there. I waited for more than an hour before I heard the “bad” news. My ride had fallen through and would not be able to take me. Initially I was worried. This was the last day I could go to the office and it took me up until this morning to gather everything I needed. How was I going to get there? No one would want to drive 40 minutes to wait in the department of home affairs.

But then the question was asked.

“Do you know how to drive stick?”

Thank you Dad! Looks like I would be making it after all. There was just one little problem.

The gear shift was now on the left instead of the right and the steering wheel was opposite as well. Of course, people drive on the left side of the road here too, but it shouldn’t be too hard to figure out? To top it all off, this would be my first time driving in South Africa and I would be doing it alone for a scenic 40-minute drive to an unknown town in which my only directions are some quickly scribbled notes on a piece of notepad paper.

At least the peddles were the same!

I could handle it. I just needed to remember ”tight lefts” and “wide rights” and I would be fine. I figured the stick shift nonsense would cause a little bit of initial problems, but it would be nothing I couldn’t pick up easily enough; the gears stilled followed the same pattern. Plus I really had no choice: I had to turn in my application today.

With a confident smile, I replied with a yes and took the keys. My first mistake, I walked to the left side of the car. Oops. I tried to play it off, but my mistake was pretty obvious. The only thing I could do was look back and reply “old habits.” I spent a couple minutes familiarizing myself with the car and peddles, but everything seemed straightforward. I could drive a manual after all. As I backed out, I felt oddly comfortable; as if I was meant to be driving this way my whole life. I got on the road and started off with ease. It was no problem at all! My left hand started switching gears as if it had been doing it for years. My feet quickly remembered what to do and I was off.

I was focused the whole time, but I felt great. I had to keep reminding myself to stay on the left during roundabouts and intersections, but other than a random reminder now and then – something I’m sure will go away with time – I had no difficulty whatsoever. Once I got on the highway it was even easier and I was able to enjoy the view. It was especially nice to see my cruise control comfortably resting at 120 kilometers – always nice to see the speedometer resting in the hundred’s column.

The whole drive to George was through mountains and along the coast. With the windows down and my right arm out the window, I kept smiling and thinking how I’d gotten here. The whole thing seemed surreal. Looking back six months from now, who would have thought I would be driving down a highway in Africa? Stuff like that can’t help but make you feel enjoyment. It’s not the kind of stuff people get to enjoy every day.

Unfortunately for me, my happiness would be short lived; even though I did get a parking spot directly in front of the home affairs office. With all my papers ready, I made my way into the building, convinced that a good attitude and friendly smile might give me a little leeway if I ended up being short a document or two. I was highly mistaken. As I walked up, an older gentleman asked for my paperwork without even making eye contact. He started checking off documents and at one point I thought I was in the clear.

As he was checking the legitimacy of each of the papers, I happened to glance down at the checklist. I knew for a fact I had everyone of the necessary papers with me. The second-to-last checkpoint was a police clearance from the state of New Jersey – something my parents were fortunately able to collect and send to me. Without hesitation, he picked up all my papers and handed them back to me; somehow pleased with himself. You would have thought he wanted me to fail. When I asked what the problem was, he explained how my police clearance form had to be the original; not a copy.

I tried to explain my case, informing him the original was in the U.S. and I needed these papers in today. There would be no way I could get the document mailed in time to reach my deadline. He didn’t even listen. He just kept repeating the phrase, “original document.” It was one of the most frustrating experiences I’d ever endured. I asked if he could even potentially approve my other material on a probationary status, temporary allowing the copy to be approved until the original was shipped over. I could have it on record as me turning everything in with a sort of asterisk, but he refused to listen to anything I had to say.

Eventually I went over his head and asked for another person to speak with. Fortunately this person was a little more helpful. He said he couldn’t accept the copy but he could record on file my attempt to turn in the documents. As long as I got everything in by April 30, the expiration of my visit, I would be allowed to remain in the country for an additional five months. It was painful, but at least I was able to accomplish something. I left annoyed, but it could have been worse.

Over the next couple of hours, my sleep would have to be delayed. I would drive back to Oceans, run a couple errands for my new boss and then start work. I barely had enough time to eat lunch before starting my next shift at two. By the time I was free to sleep, I was beyond exhausted but there was no reason to go to sleep at this point. I might as well wait until later and get a proper night’s rest. I cannot wait.

New Video and New Time to Beat!

Here is the link for the newest Great White footage...

http://youtu.be/lFYwWenl6wA

We recently went on an amazing chum trip and I got some incredible footage, but I havent been able to get all that material together yet. I will soon. Once I start my new job in a week or so, I will have free internet and will not have to worry about how much material I upload.

I also set my new breath holding record. It is currently at an outstanding 3 minutes and 34 seconds. For those of you who think you can match it, please feel give to give it your best and let me know your times. Breath holding has been such an achilles' heel of mine for so long that I'm excited to finally be able to put up decent times.

Two Minutes!

March 23, 2013 (7:02 P.M.)

So I have been practicing holding my breath for more than a month now. Coming in, my breath-holding record was an embarrassing 47 seconds; that was the time I clocked in during my first week here. It's been a running joke with all my friends over the years and here in South Africa, it’s no different. I’ve been told on countless occasions how even “so-and-so” can hold their breath for at least “this amount of time.’

I even tried the free diving course in February. It did improve my time to roughly a minute and a half, but it was still nowhere near my goal of two minutes. I just couldn't seem to get past that barrier of the double minute.

The instructor told me it was all mental and that to achieve my goal, I had to get past my fear of not breathing. He said holding your breath goes against one of the very basic urges we have as human beings, but the fact is, when your brain starts telling you to breathe and the chest convulsions start appearing, you really have two thirds left of your oxygen left. When that first urge to breathe starts, you know you're really only at the 1/3 mark.

Even with this knowledge, I couldn’t do it. It was a lot easier said than done. When I would get the urge, I would know I still had plenty of oxygen left, but still couldn’t seem to get past it. Fighting the convulsions was one of the hardest things I'd ever done.

Well all that changed when I put on my iPod this Wednesday and threw on Don Mclean's, American Pie. I decided I needed to distract myself from myself and the best way to do that would be to put on a slow, catchy and familiar song. Plus I wanted the slow to be rather lengthy. American Pie qualified on all accounts.

I followed the breathing exercises down to the last instruction. I lay down, relaxed myself the best I could and tried to focus my mind on Mclean's lyrics; anything to help focus on the oxygen deprivation feeling.

When holding my breath in the past, I would normally hit my convulsions around 45 seconds and from then on had to fight for every second. Everyone else around me seemed to be in the “bliss” stage of holding their breath until at least a minute and a half into the process while I was just fighting to hit that mark at all.

For this breath particular breath, I didn’t hit my first convulsion until one minute and 15 seconds in. It was by far the most comfortable I’d ever been as far as holding my breath. When that first convulsion hit me, I focused the feeling into the center of my chest and relaxed. Slowing my heart rate was a huge “mountain to climb,” but that’s what Mclean was there for. Instead of focusing on the crushing feeling to breathe, I just centered my thoughts toward the lyrics.

I had no idea what my time was currently at, but I knew it was my furthest so far. I knew I was entering unknown territory and I was excited. I wanted to hit my goal and I knew this was going to be my first real chance.

When I hit my second real convulsion, I started to panic; just as I always do but the instructor was right there by my side, as if expecting it. He told me how close I was and I needed to fight it.

“You’re only 30 seconds away. You can do this. You still have plenty of oxygen left. Fight this.”

I closed my eyes again and tried to escape. The feeling to breathe was now pulsating through my entire body. I wanted to breathe more than I ever wanted to breathe in my life, but at the same time, I wanted to reach my goal.

“Only 15 more seconds. Stick with this T.J. You’re almost there. Fight this.”

My entire face felt as though it were on fire. The convulsions were now beating harder and faster. I knew I was supposed to be relaxing; conserving oxygen, but my entire body was tense. I just wanted the whole thing to be over.

“Five more seconds! You can make it.”

With that last line, I realized I could make it. I was there. My body seemed to realize the struggle was over. I made it to my goal. A huge smile came across my face as I looked at him and realized I was now holding my breath into the two-minute zone. I don’t know if I could have made it longer, but I figured that was good enough for today. As I released the tension and took in that much-needed breathe of air, my instructor calmly walked over to the board and wrote 2 minutes and 8 seconds next to my name. It was one of the most satisfying experiences I’d ever had. I worked at reaching this goal for more than a month and I finally did it. Never before had I ever considered it possible to reach two minutes, but there it was on the board as proof.

I’m proud to say I have been regularly hitting my two-minute mark with each class. Today will be our pool session and I’m hoping to set another personal record. Maybe with enough practice, I could hit three minutes?

Lots of Thinking

                                                         March 13, 2013 (2:01 P.M.)

Sorry for my lack of posting these last couple of days. It has been a rollercoaster as far as my future plans have been concerned and stressful does not even begin to encompass what I’ve been going through. A lot of possible things could have been happening over the next couple of weeks, but I’m glad to say I at least have an idea of what my next move will be.

For those of you who are a little confused as to what I’m referring to, let’s take a minute to bring you up to speed.

I am currently participating in a research program for Great White Sharks. The internship is headed and funded by a company called Oceans Research. On top of the Great White Shark internship, Oceans Research provides a number of other possible internships for people studying various subjects. A few examples of the type of internships available are education-related programs, dolphin and whale internships, filming tours, photography, etc. In May 2013, Oceans Research will be starting a Journalism Internship for people interested in writing about the various wildlife located in and around South Africa. So far, there are eight interns scheduled to arrive at the beginning of May.

Oceans Research offered me the position of field specialist for this upcoming program. I would be in charge of the eight interns as far as travel arrangements to the different locations, story idea generation, etc. My job would entail organizing the interns to make sure deadlines are kept, stories at a quality level and all tasks assigned are completed. In addition to my field specialist duties, I would be helping Oceans get a magazine started. Half my day would be dedicated to the interns and the other half of the day would be dedicated to the magazine.

As far as the magazine is concerned, I would be writing articles, assisting with the graphic design and finding contributing authors for some of the stories. I would have the opportunity to generate story ideas regarding wildlife, environment and conservation and would help with editing, writing and traveling for the magazine.

Since the interns would not be arriving until May, and the program was being started from scratch, Oceans asked if I would be willing to stay straight through after my internship ended in March. I would use the four weeks of April to help prepare the magazine and get some ideas together for the beginning of May. With me on board, we could get everything started ahead of time and have everything prepared by the time the interns arrived.

This is such an amazing opportunity for me and I could not have more appreciative for the offer. I told them I needed some time to discuss my options and would get back to them as soon as possible.

After the initial shock and excitement of the offer started to wear off, reality decided to do what it does best and present itself. The bigger picture started to settle in. Not only would I not be coming home in April, I would be extending my stay an additional six months. I would not be returning home until the beginning of November. That’s a long time to be in South Africa. That’s a long time to be without Shannon.

            Shannon.

             Crap.

            Shannon and I were so excited to see each other in April. She had it all planned out. My first weekend back would be the weekend of her birthday. She requested off work, organized plans with her friends and was just playing the waiting game until I was back with her. How could I possibly tell her I wouldn’t be coming home until November?

My whole life I said I would never base any serious decision on a girl. I’ve heard too many horror stories. Now, when it finally came time for me to prove my words, the first thing I wanted to do was fly back as quick as I could to see her. It’s funny how quickly you change your mind when it’s you involved. Everyone seems to give the best advice when it does not affect them personally, but as soon as the circumstances change to include them, everything they ever said gets thrown to the floor. I know if a friend of mine had presented me with this, I wouldn’t have hesitated a moment to tell him to stay for the job. The alternative wouldn’t have even been an option. Stay for a girl? Please.

But what if it’s the girl? What if she’s it? I would be giving that up for a few extra months in South Africa?

At this point, I hadn’t made a decision as far as what I would do but I knew it wouldn’t be fair to her unless I told her what I was thinking. I wouldn’t want this sprung on me at the last minute. I would have wanted some time to discuss it with the other person and see what all our options were. I had to tell her. I had to let her know what I was offered.

The moments leading up to the video chat were some of the scariest seconds of my life. I couldn’t believe how nervous I was. You would have thought I was about to jump out of a plane, but no, I was sitting on a couch about to tell a girl I’m in love with that I may not be coming home for seven months. Personally, I’d choose the plane.

When my phone alerted me of the video chat connection, I physically started to sweat. By this time of my internship, I was almost halfway through the program. Shannon and I had been counting down the days. I loved my time here, but was still excited to see her. The count at this point was somewhere around 30 days; or at least that’s how many Skittles I guessed were left. When the connection was completed, I started to prepare myself.
Should I just say it quickly and get it over with? Should I try and ease into it? Should I tell her? I might not even take it?

            Me: Hey!

            Shannon: Hey, you’re catching me on my way out to work.

            Me: Oh no worries. I’ll just call you when you get done.

            Shannon: It’s going to be late though.

            Me: That’s ok. I’ll stay up.

            Shannon: Are you sure? Is everything ok?

            Me: Oh everything is great. I’ll talk to you tonight!

            Wimp.

            I couldn’t do it. All the mental preparation meant nothing. As soon as I saw her face, I couldn’t even begin to tell her. The words wouldn’t come out and to top it all off, I now had to wait until she was done work before I could try again. Nothing like letting something brew in your mind all day to rest the nerves. I spent the next couple of hours building up potential scenarios in my head and letting my imagination get the best of me.

By the time I actually talked to her that evening, I just wanted to tell her and get it over with. The conversation went pretty much as expected; she put on a brave face but you could see right through it. There was no hiding the way she really felt; the way we both felt. And of course it would be harder for her because from her perspective, I’m choosing to stay here. I’m choosing South Africa. I’m choosing this job over her. It’s always harder on the person without the choice. Of course I wouldn’t be choosing this job over her though. I would be choosing it for a potential better future for us, but it’s always so hard to show that.

The conversation didn’t last long. I could tell she needed some time to “digest” it all. I didn’t sleep very much that night; understandably. I decided to stay up researching the job opportunity. I looked up who I would be working with, what I would exactly be doing, and how long I would need to stay here. I stayed up all night. When the sun came up, I went to the offices and sat down with each of my potential bosses and asked them everything I needed to know.

I wanted to know my day-to-day tasks. I wanted to know who I would be working with. I wanted to know my hours. I asked what jobs I could hope to get after obtaining this position. I asked them about their personal experiences. I even asked them if the job was worth it. If I was going to consider this, I needed to know everything. To be fair to Shannon, I needed to know everything.

            When I checked my email that morning, I was not surprised to see an email from Shannon. In the email she told me to research the position thoroughly. Glad to know we were on the same page. We talked again later that day with much of the same results. Anyway you spun this, it was a rough situation. I would be leaving her and she would have to be alone for the next half a year.

I wanted to get a better idea about the length of time spent here, so I went back to the research offices. I wanted Shannon to know as much as possible about the position so we could try to work out a plan that worked for both of us. I talked with Cassie (my potential new boss) about the magazine and its distribution. I knew the magazine was going to be quarterly and wanted to know if it was even worth it to stay for six months. Obviously I wanted to get as much out of the experience as possible, but I wouldn’t want to be here for six months if I could get the same amount of value after staying two. The first issue is set to be released in July. Cassie said realistically it would not be released until August. Being the first issue, she said she wanted some “room” in case we came across problems.

After discussing it, we decided if I stayed, it would be ideal for me to only stay until then. There would have not been much point in staying for two more months to only be a part of half the magazine. Not only would I not get the full credit for the issue, I would not be there for its completion. If I stayed until August, I would get real world experience starting a magazine from scratch, writing, organizing, advertising, etc. and hopefully plaster my name throughout.
After much deliberation, discussion and advice seeking, I decided to accept the offer. It was such an amazing opportunity. I couldn’t imagine coming back to the states to go back to the casino again. I think I would regret it for the rest of my life.

Shannon and I had our fights about it, and have definitely had our ups and downs, but for the moment, we seem to be on the same page. We want to try and work it out. Quitting is not an option. A friend of mine in college said it takes two special people for a long distance relationship to work. They both have to want it to work out and do everything in their power to keep it going. I think Shannon and I have that. If we just quit now, we would always wonder if there was something more there. I love her and cannot imagine not giving this a try. I can’t be afraid of what might happen because of this. I can only hope that this could be better for the two of us in the future. We have to work at it and I’m definitely ready to work.

Fear is temporary; regret lasts forever.

Luke's Great White Video

Here is the link for Luke's Great White Video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UT44FVBvIyU

Pictures!

Here are just some of the pictures from the dolphin outing. These pictures do not even begin to do the scene justice. There were hundreds everywhere, but oddly hard to get good shot of all of them from the boat.

Good Weekend!

                                                                March 3, 2013 (7:42 P.M.)

 I was originally worried about this weekend for a couple of reasons. First, my friends were leaving and the new interns were arriving. The only interns remaining were the couple of people I didn’t really spend time with in February. It worked out great though. I just spent the weekend with the field specialists and we had an amazing time.

 Second, this would be my first weekend without any planned trips. Each weekend in February I had some sort of trip or excursion. I always had something to do and this would be the first time without any direction as far as my plans were concerned. I found out pretty quickly when you don’t have trips to attend to, work needs to be done. The remaining four interns, myself included, had to do all the work eight interns normally did. The new interns hadn’t had their orientation yet and therefore weren’t allowed to technically start working so the rest of us had to pick up the slack. It wasn’t bad though, plus it gave me something to do.

My new roommate seems nice enough. He’s 24, from Canada and engaged to be married. He hasn’t tried to steal anything, attack me or attempt to jump in my bed in the middle of the night, so I can’t complain. He more so spent time with the other new interns for the majority of the weekend. They did the things people do here when they first arrive, and despite being invited to come, I respectfully declined. I did all that stuff last month and had work to do anyway. I’m not too worried about spending time with everyone yet. There will be hours upon hours on the boat with each of them so I’m sure we’ll get to talk.

On Friday night, we all went to the bar and on Saturday, a few of us checked out the casino. I left with the same amount of money I walked in with, so that’s always a good sign after attending a casino. I even made enough playing blackjack to cover my drinks. Overall it was a pretty fun night, especially since it was spontaneous and random.

 This week I have a pretty basic schedule. It doesn’t seem too crazy. I did get a chance to finish Luke’s Great White Shark video though. I haven’t uploaded it because I’m going to try and use the research computers after my chum trip tomorrow and save a little of my internet. Uploading stuff kills my internet usage and I need it to last for another month.

Shannon’s father said he was happy I was doing the blog about my trip and insisted on covering my next internet charge. He said one of the biggest regrets he had about his trips was not getting the chance to write everything down and that I’ll be happy I have all this stuff here after my trip has ended. I can’t say I disagree. Thanks Mr. Jones!

I tried to upload my bungee jump video, but an error message appeared. I’ll try that as well on the research computers tomorrow. Hopefully by tomorrow I’ll be able to show you my jump!

 To Agent of the Year: Tomorrow is Parade Day! Make sure to celebrate!